To enter into solidarity
with a suffering person does not mean that we have to talk with that person
about our own suffering. Speaking about our own pain is seldom helpful for
someone who is in pain. A wounded healer is someone who can listen to a person
in pain without having to speak about his or her own wounds. When we have lived
through a painful depression, we can listen with great attentiveness and love
to a depressed friend without mentioning our experience. Mostly it is better
not to direct a suffering person's attention to ourselves. We have to trust
that our own bandaged wounds will allow us to listen to others with our whole
beings. That is healing...
It is important to know when we can give attention and when we need attention.
Often we are inclined to give, give, and give without ever asking anything in
return. We may think that this is a sign of generosity or even heroism. But it
might be little else than a proud attitude that says: "I don't need help
from others. I only want to give." When we keep giving without receiving
we burn out quickly. Only when we pay careful attention to our own physical,
emotional, mental, and spiritual needs can we be, and remain, joyful givers.
There is a time to give and a time to receive. We need equal time for both if
we want to live healthy lives.
- Henri Nouwen
With the last session of my course tomorrow, and with it, the stocktaking, reflection and 'Where to nows?' the arrival of the same Henri Nouwen passage in my feedreader via two different writers is pretty apt, don't you think? It says much about the steep learning curve that we've all been on. Do read Mike F and A Man Breathing's Andy Wilkes take on Nouwen's thoughts on the wounded healer.
