Green Patches

Who do you say that I am?

 

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

  They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

    “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

  Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

 - Matthew 16, text Biblegateway

 

To return to our wandering shepherd, now reunited with his friends after a brief if inglorious career as a visual aid at our church's prayer group.

"Who do you say that I am?" Jesus asked  his disciples. The Sunday before during the service, we'd been encouraged to reflect on who Christ is to each of us wherever we currently find ourselves on our journey of faith.  I say encouraged - maybe 'gently challenged' might best describe it. I picked up on this, leading  into our customary time of silent prayer with Matthew's text and a short meditation posing the question once more "Who do you say that I am?"

I guess any of Christ's questions could equally well have   applied just then.  Maybe they did.  He asked plenty of them, after all. "What do you want me to do for you?" Who are you looking for?" "Who touched me?" "Where is your faith?" "What concern is it of yours?" "What is your name?" and dozens and dozens of others.   

But later I fell to thinking about the approaches different  branches  of our faith communities take to those questions, to discipleship and encouraging  each other to grow and change.  Particularly after glancing through another 'Ship' discussion on Altar calls and 'decisionism': the good old call to the front, altar call, sinner's prayer and whatnot. Not all of it unfamiliar to me, in a fairly restrained Anglican version of from my old church. I'll try  not to  get into arguments about soteriology here; they've been pretty thoroughly covered on the thread.  However, my own reflections did get me pondering some aspects of my own journey - and  where I stand now on some of the methodology used over on the more evangelical and charismatic wing of the church, now that I've spent a few years in a slightly broader and more catholic setting. 

More so  given my own moves since into discerment of a possible  call to spiritual direction, my deeper appreciation and understanding of the nuances of peoples' faith journeys. 

Was,  for instance, my group  meditation  an 'altar call' in a different guise? It certainly didn't occur to me at the time that it might be considered to be this.  That my initial feeling was one of slight...only slight and probably  misplaced  - guilt at even an unintended hint of manipulation on my part  is maybe just the lingering remains of  hangups from my previous experiences.  Certainly I find the more laid back style of 'Newchurch' is enabling me to   grow into a way of relating to both God and my fellow Christians that's far more autonomous, less dependent than  before. Living, as well as living with...the questions.

Likewise, I consider my own style to be less 'directive,' more 'fellow pilgrim,' 'companioning.'  That could account for my ambivalence. Am I confusing  directiveness (is there such a word?!) with challenge? That should pose some implications for my own companioning. 

So after all that hot air, no answers...more questions. Which neatly brings us back to Matthew 16: "Who do you say that I am?" 

 

 

Advent Blog of The Week - The Mercy Blog and Weeble's Wonderings

 

Advent Prayer

 

Lord, still us this today and in this Advent Season – keep us wide awake in these days of waiting. Take from us our anxieties and our preoccupations, our distractions and our despair. Let us be empty in this time before, awaiting your coming with empty hands, and open hearts…

 

Lord, prepare us for your coming. Fill us with the hope of your judgement, and a longing for your justice. Let our hope and our prayer be always for this broken creation of which we are part. Have mercy on all who suffer, human or animal. Help us to bring the good news of your coming, the comfort of hope, the joy of this new kind of waiting…

 

Amen

 - with thanks to Mike F of The Mercy Blog

One evening last week, I was  in  our contemplative prayer group at church, when, towards the end of the session, I was suddenly, as I've described it to myself 'hi-jacked' by a memory  of an item which I'd read in the paper earlier in the day: a particularly horrible example of  pure, gratuitous violence towards a poor, helpless animal, the which defies all belief and about which I simply can't bring myself to give any more details here.  There followed  a  fraught few minutes whilst I  tried alternately to a) push the distraction aside, or b) give  it to God, which last unfortunately and again without giving any details (shudders) seemed unavoidably to involve 're-living it.'  All clever theological explanations seemed pretty irrelevant  just then, and to be honest, pretty feeble, too. We're back to that evergreen topic of theodicy 'How could you, God?'

I've since re-commbobulated myself, so to speak...just, and can see, I think, that this struggle was likely the latest in a series of 'answers,' to a prayer I made leading on from what I brought out of retreat. Why I should be surprised, I don't know. I do think prayer should come with a health warning, though.  Do Not Be Surprised If You Get What You Ask For. 

So the petitions in the prayer "Have mercy on all who suffer, human or animal..." resonates with me as we begin Advent.

 

 

Over on A Weeble's Wonderings Avila reflects on the ever-present struggle with life-work balance and the need to know when and to press those 'recharge' buttons. I chose it for personal reasons; thanks be to God their situation is not my own although some of the issues mentioned do touch several loved ones close to home. It was the final paragraph that spoke to  me however. The 'Who Am I? What Am I?' question and my tendency to define myself solely in relation to the role (I perceive) other people see me in and to whether I shape up to that perception,  has been around now as long as I can remember. We Are Improving slowly....which is good...yet still very much a Work In Progress...

I started with the title 'Who am I? What am I?' - when we can no longer answer these about ourselves, rather than just in relation to other people or roles, then it is a sign we need to find respite, and to find ourselves again.

 - A Weeble's Wonderings - Who Am I? What Am I?

 

  

 

 

Widgets, randomness and serendipity

I've been directed  into the bowels of this blog - thanks to the delightful randomness of a new toy, the weird and wonderful widget linkwithin . Thanks to another newcomer on the blogroll, Filey Gardener, for twas on her blog that I stumbled across this tool for linking together similarly themed posts and, at least, (according to the site),  to enable you to give some of your old, dusty and forgotten bon mots an airing. 

Whether this always happens in actuality? I'm witholding judgement for now; from what I've seen so far, its system is, shall we say, 'eclectic', random, and with a certain illogicality that makes me wonder what on earth the Myers-Brigg's MBTI system would make of it. INFP, anybody? Why else would my self-indulgent wofflings about Greenbelt the other day be linked to the terse and succinctly-named post 'Dung!' Or, reviving my rusty ex-pat French, 'Crotte!' 

Still, to give it credit for perseverance, it's obviously determined to sharpen its accuracy, and, when I logged on earlier, I couldn't help smiling  when I noticed it had linked to two far more apposite reflections, written in the midst of my more embarrassing bouts of existential angst a few years ago: 'Vocational Self-Assembly Pack,' and 'the d-word: Dancing with the music of the spirit,'

Plus ca change...

 

Blog of The Week - Opinionated Vicar

They're lining up!  Four blogs vied for my attention yesterday morning, hence the delay in posting here.  I just couldn't make up my mind. So, in the interests of fairness, I've plumped for the  first one I discovered, David Keen's reflections on imaginative prayer in Opinionated Vicar. (Opinionated? Surely not...?)

 

"I found all of this very fruitful, whilst being aware that I rarely have the leisure in prayer to simply use my imagination. It's much more controllable to pray set prayers, work through a list of things to pray for, and formulate my own prayers, rather than let my (rather more chaotic) imagination run the show. 

As an evangelical, I'm trained to base prayers on reason. God is found in the Word, in the left brain, prayer is based on who God is (revealed in words) and what God has said (ditto), and is verbal. Ignatian prayer is more 'right brain', and uses the imagination. Both reason and imagination can be flaky, and I came back from the walks wondering whether I'd been for a walk with Jesus, or just imagined I'd been for a walk with Jesus. Then I wondered whether perhaps both had happened, and it didn't have to be an either/or."

His account of his experiences on retreat resonated with me, not only because I'm booked into the same place later this year, but also because it touches on some of the changes I've been experiencing in my prayer  lately, especially since I moved churches.   It  offers a few clues as to why I  often struggle with particular types of churchmanship. I'm currently trying to put together  some reflections on spiritual growth and faith journeys for TSSF; reading about the changes in OV's* prayer is helping me clarify some parts of my own travels. Thank you. 

 

The other 'contenders' were:

Catholic Zen, and, for their reflections on issues relevant to last week's rioting in the UK, Good Goat and Tractorgirl.

 

* Re-discovered via The Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. No, I'm not being paid commission to give them blogspace, really!

Last week's Blog of The Week : Yn meddwl yn groch

Light my fire - Thunder and Rainbows

 

 -  Fremte  from Wikimedia Commons

 

 

We could do with some here - thunder I mean.  It's absolutely scorching for the third day running, with humidity at 90% if you believe everything the BBC says.  And much as I'm tempted to rush out into the garden and continue with my painting of everything that moves - and some things  that don't, (the dog is breathing a sigh of relief here), I have retained an ounce  of commonsense. We don't want Mr GP to return from his travels this evening to  discoverhis wife flat out on a bench and the dog decorating  the lawn with Jackson Pollock-type  streaks in tasteful sage and buttermilk.

I've been reflecting a little on what life's been like in the GP household over on my wibsite blog  - and on my own journeyings in particular - where the metaphors of thunder and rainbows and holding the two in tension have and continue to be part of a learning curve.  I'm trying, (famous last words) as I've said on Musings, to major on the rainbows as much as poss. Given my natural tendency to Eyorism (have I coined a new expression?) this is no mean feat.  I've always said that I don't know how I'd cope without my sense of humour. One of the warning signs that I'm beginning to get overstressed and need to lighten up is that it begins to wane. I'll admit - signing on to Youtube and grimly ploughing my way through a selection of comedy clips - as I did after a particularly 'orrible 'blip' last weekend maybe wasn't the way to go. 

However, consciously focusing on those brighter moments, (though without morphing into Julie Andrew's "My Favourite Things" mode; there are limits!) has helped. Nothing new and certainly not rocket science. Readers who are of an Ignatian bent will recognise elements of the examen here: pausing at intervals to reflect on where God's been present , what draws  energises, fires you up  (and what does the opposite). A form of this is actually written into my rule of life as a daily practice. Yes, I am Franciscan I know - but let's allow for overlap, shall we?  Did you know that Francis introduced a form of "Ignatian" meditation long before Inigo was around, with his institution of the first Creche Vivante (living crib); the forerunner of our modern crib scene.

To get back to Inigo -  at the excellent BRF Festival of Prayer  recently one speaker told of a similar exercise which has really caught my imagination: their spiritual director had challenged them to try and list 100 (Yes, you read it correctly, one hundred) things that energised and brought them alive. Talk about a challenge. Is it really possible? Time will tell. To date my 'list ' has around 30 or 40 items on it; there are days when it sits at the back of my journal untouched, others when I add several at a time.  It certainly resonates with the way in which I've been experiencing a sense of quiet prayerfulness in some of the most unlikely activities recently - hence the mad garden painting spree.  It's a far cry from the rather (at times) grim, greyish, often extremely cerebral 'Quiet Time' which even  if  it's not actually used up much   of my time, certainly has provoked a lorry load of guilt  in the past.  I'm not the only one it seems. There's a discussion currently over on The Ship on the self same topic. I just love the poster who describes her  prayer practice nowadays as more "Every Now and Then with Jesus."

Happily I'm beginning to loosen up nowadays and am trying to balance regularity and spontaneity.  Not quite in the same way as those delightful Beaker Folk, thank  the Lord, but I'm getting there. Though maybe counting my exploits with a Kelly Kettle and homemade bunting (my latest craft project) as meditative prayer practices is carrying the definition a tad too far. I'll be into fire eating and prophetic banner waving before you can turn round, and then, where will we be?

Blog of The Week - The Mercy Blog

...comes earlier than usual this week - time being in short supply over the next few days.  I've chosen a long-standing member of my blogroll, Mike F of The Mercy Blog, Franciscan tertiary and contemplative. His was one of the blogs I stumbled across early on in my own vocational wanderings and I've watched it grow and develop over the years.  At risk of totally embarrassing him, IMHO it's one of the top-league Francisan blogs (and yes, I know classing blogs must definitely run contrary to the Francisan ethos!); however, I'm referring to quality and integrity here. He's been brave enough to  share some of the joys and struggles of his journey honestly, often at great depth, yet with a humble simplicity that's an inspiration to others.  He's also a great encourager.  

Mike, ongoing wishes and prayers for you as your journey takes  a new turn. I hope we'll still be able to read your reflections in future, even if you're not able to blog as frequently as before.

Peace and all good.

 

Last week's Blog of the Week:  Adam McHugh's Introverted Church and Aubry Smith's My Offerings.

Pondering Franciscan Spirituality

Alongside ballroom dancing, quite a few visitors to Greenpatches seem to arrive here via a search for Franciscan spirituality. Obviously, I'm not the only one out there trying to pin down that (sometimes) elusive something or other.  It's always good to discover other souls out there, often far wiser than myself, who are pondering and trying to live out a similar path.  So, a happy discovery  - a newish blog: Franciscanponderings  who says:

 

Like a many-faceted diamond giving off different colours and hues as it is turned in the light, so the unsearchable riches of God encountered in Christ are reflected in the great variety of Christian approaches to the spiritual way. Each spirituality has its own tone and unique flavour, with its own particular emphases. I hope in ths blog to share a taste of the Franciscan contribution to the quest of the human heart for what will refresh our soul and give light to our path.

 - to read more, link here

Thank you for sharing your ponderings. I'm looking forward to listening to what you have to say.

 

Slow, slow...Reprise of the 'D' Word

"God is the lead dancer and the soul is the partner completely attuned to the rhythm and patterns set by the partner. she does not lead, but neither does she hang limp like a sack of potatoes." (Thomas Merton, quoted in Listening to the Music of the Spirit: The Art of Discernment, by David Lonsdale: Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1992)

 

For all those readers, who, according to stats are reaching 'Greenpatches' via a search for 'Ballroom Dancing,' I thought it about time to revisit  an old post: 'Listening to the Music of the Spirit: The Dreaded 'D' Word.'    Now with fresh clips. Enjoy.

Silence is golden

At last!  The first episode of the  new documentary The Big Silence, which I blogged about nearly six months ago,  is set to air this Friday on BBC 2. If you live in the UK, that is. I'll be following it with interest, especially in the second programme when, we're told, the participants take part in an eight day silent retreat.

I've   returned from a similar one myself only a few weeks ago, (though mercifully, not accompanied by a camera team!). Mine, too, involved a full eight days more or less in silence; longer than I've been accustomed to before; with a new venue, also, which by its very nature involved a step further into solitude. In a retreat setting I don't have any difficulties with this, seeming to drop into the rhythm of the place quite naturally. The challenges that invariably present themselves in the quietness, however, well, that's quite another matter. They don't always appear to get any easier. Whether or not that's an indicator of greater closeness to God, is open to question. I'd hope the answer would be yes.   And, even as a 'veteran' of nearly seven years to guided retreats,  I still struggle with building those times of quietness and prayer into my daily life.     

So, my sympathies will be with the BBC retreatants and I'm sure I'll find much to reflect on and learn about from their experiences.

Keep right on

Cartoon with thanks to Dave Walker

 

(This has nothing  whatsoever  to do with self-assembly furniture, by the way; I simply wanted to keep to the tradition of using three headings all beginning with the same letter!)